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Why do so many relationships break down?

By: Klaus Doring

Every relationship can be unique, and the reasons for breakups can be just as unique. Still, there may be several common reasons that relationships come to an end. These can include infidelity, lack of effort, fading feelings, loss of trust, and a pattern of unproductive or unhealthy fighting.

 Actually  “Relationship” comes from the Latin “referre” or “relatum”, which means “to bring back”. Some might say: That’s of no importance to me. That doesn’t worry me at all. There is even no need to worry about it. Yes, sometimes, we wish people around us weren’t so thoughtless.

In one of my penultimate columns I tried to explain, “when to keep our mouth shut”! Silence is also an answer – sure! But some of my readers posed the question, if also broken relationships can be only restored by silence or waiting. My answer is YES and/or NO!

Sometimes it’s a wonder, what a small dose of determined silence can do. Relationships are ALWAYS worth restoring, because life is all about learning how to love and how to value relationships and make the effort to maintain them instead of discarding them whenever there is a rift, a hurt, or a conflict. The bible told us that all of us have been given the ministry of restoring broken relationships.

Broken or cooled down relationships can be noticed at any corner. Restoring them is equal to peacemaking or peacekeeping but also not avoiding facing conflicts. Running away from a problem (and then keeping the mouth shut!), pretending that the problem doesn’t exist or being too afraid to talk about it, that’s how the hypocritical coward acts.  Some people love to downplay everything: Things aren’t too bad – they could be worse!

Unfortunately, sometimes people who love each other are pulled apart by things like distance, trouble communicating, trust issues, or having a different vision for the future. It might not feel like it right now, but you’re going to feel better with time.

I always love to talk to God before I talk to a person. Later, I can find the right moment and take the initiative to restore broken relationships or face the problem. I can even look out for others’ interests first. I can use “my telescope of life” (from the Greek word “skopos”) and play close attention. I can start with sympathy but not with great solutions right away. I can confess my part of a possible conflict.

Paul said in Romans 12:18: “Do everything possible on your part to live in peace with everybody!” In resolving conflicts, a word not to be spoken may be the choicest word of all, or IF WE TALK, HOW we say it, is important.

The US-author Rick Warren confessed in one of his books; “We can establish a relationship even when we are unable to resolve our differences. Christians often have legitimate, honest disagreements and differing opinions. But, we can disagree without being disagreeable. The same diamond looks different from different angles. God expects unity, not uniformity, and we can walk arm-in-arm without seeing eye-to-eye on every issue!”

Email: [email protected] or follow me on Facebook OR Linkedin  or visit www.germanexpatinthephilippines.blogspot.com or www.klausdoringsclassicalmusic.blogspot.com.



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